The best Valentine you can give anyone and how it will change you both! Psalms 130

Last weekend our church held a marriage event. Some pastors and their wives shared stories from the pulpit, encouraged us with scripture, and answered questions. We went because marriage is important to us. And there is always room for improvement. But what happened there truly surprised me. You see.  I was really convicted. My heart was pierced. During the worship, with tears streaming down my face, I felt so repentant. I felt so sure. I needed to confess. Yet when the music faded, and they gave us a moment to look our loved one in the eyes and honestly admit sin, a strange thing happened. Nothing. Not one sound would come out of my mouth. It was awkward. I wanted to say something. Anything. But I couldn’t. And just like that the moment was over. I couldn’t believe how powerless I felt. The service continued. More stories were shared. More inspiring verses. More songs. More conviction. Lord, I prayed. Please. Help me say something because I don’t think I can. And sure enough- I couldn’t. As the service closed we walked to the front to pray for others, all the while wishing someone would pray for me. I know they would have. Gladly. But I couldn’t ask.
Days passed by and I wondered if I had missed the moment. Maybe I was over-reacting. I could just ignore my sin. My heart is in the right place, right? I’m a pretty good wife.
Until I did it again. Lost my temper. This time at my daughter for something she didn’t even do. And her face. It nearly broke my heart. I have to change. But I don’t know how. No time to think about it. Besides, everyone loses their cool. It’s just life. On to the next event.
But the next event was me sobbing in the kitchen. Crying over pictures of smiling Facebook faces, because their smiles- meant someone else’s heartache. A new romance budding while the ex is left reeling. God please. Make them see. Open their eyes. That.is.not.love. That.is.not.romance. Not in the slightest. Children left wondering, will their prayers be answered? Or will their dream of living with mommy and daddy die with a new wedding. 
I pull myself together. I pray for healing in broken families. All day.  Until it’s night. And I can’t go on one more second. 
“I have to tell you something.” I blurt out closing our bedroom door.
“I have something to confess.” These words seem dramatic. In fact, I would die a little inside if he said those words to me…again. Because they are terrifying words to hear.  Mostly because we don’t say them enough.
I assure him it’s nothing horrible, all the while knowing that it really is. Because sin is horrible. Every single one.
 With no more hesitation I laid my heart bear exposing my weakness, my sin, my failings, my bad choices, and he listened. 
There were no surprises. 
Maybe that’s what made it so hard.
He knows my sins. He is well acquainted with them. I pretend they don’t exist while he can’t escape them. My plank-eyed vision is skewed, staring always at the spec in his eye, as if I am his sanctification. I am not. 
No more excuses. No more finger pointing. It was time to own it. 
Even if he uses it against me in the future. 
Even if I am going to mess up again.
Even if he doesn’t believe me when I say I want to change. Because I don’t blame him. I kind of don’t believe me either. Yet I know that it has to be said. Confession must be made.  I know this because the Bible tells me so. Confess your sins so that you might be healed. And I want that with every fiber of my being. Healing. So it’s worth the risk of seeming insincere. 
And I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. 
“I thought I would stop sinning when I got saved. I just kept asking Jesus in my heart, thinking I  must not be saved because I can’t stop sinning” my daughter cries to me after messing up…again. And I get it. You almost don’t want to apologize one more time because it feels so fake. You know you are going to do it again. You’re almost sure of it. So why apologize? Why confess? Maybe just pretend it didn’t happen. But Then I open to my scheduled reading which takes me to Psalms 130. And I read this. 
Hope.
 
Psalm 130

Waiting for the Redemption of the Lord

A Song of Ascents.
130 Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord;
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning—
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption.

And He shall redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.
Confession. This is a gift. And I can’t think of one close relationship I have that wouldn’t benefit from it. A little raw, loving confession will abundantly bless any relationship you have, whether it is a friend, family member, spouse, child. Anyone. This one gift of love will heal relationships that don’t even seem inherently sick.
Open your heart. Wait for the Lord. Hope in Him, because with Him is abundant redemption.  Pray for strength to take that step. Confess your sins one to another and be healed!  I am healed. I know this. I saw it today. Time stood still today while my perfectionism, my controlling inclinations, my instinct to nag taunted me in the realest of moments. But I said nothing. I smiled and kissed my man on the lips. And kept walking. Just like that. 
Hope. And Redemption. Starting with confession. 
So I wait. I wait for the Lord, and in His word I do hope! 
I dare you to share this gift with someone and tell us how it goes in the comments- remembering that true confession doesn’t blame and expects nothing in return. You can do it!!

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8 thoughts on “The best Valentine you can give anyone and how it will change you both! Psalms 130

  1. Beautiful truth! Love you and your heart Lauren!

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  2. Lauren I know I say this every time but this is my favorite blog!!!!!!!

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  3. Thank you Margo and Dawn! You both encourage me more than you could know! xoxo

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  5. Raw & real. I can so relate! Thank you for sharing the truth of the Word and truth of your journey. Always bringing it back to the cross.

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  6. This just happened to me. Caught in omission – behind on business paperwork. I felt embarrassed, ashamed & disappointed. Worst of all, I had let God down. Accountability from a Sister & taking responsibility has been freeing. With her help, I'm heading in the right direction. Thanks for being transparent Lauren. It's refreshing.

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  7. I confess my husband is better at confessing than I am. (Wow. That felt good.) He's so humble like that. I'm….not. Opposites attract, after all. I'm more, like,…annoyed at my sin, wanting to ignore it like an ex-boyfriend.. But I must also confess that it is my prayer to be better at the whole confession thing. As I continually mutter to myself, like a mommy gone mad, “His gentleness has made me great.” Thanks for being real, reminding the annoyed-at-self amongst us, that we are all in this thing together.

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  8. Yes!!!! This!!! No one can make me laugh cry like you girl!! XOXOXO

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