Burning Down the House.

Time after time, the Lord has used the words that I preach to my children, to pierce my own heart. Today it happened again, but this time, the urgency behind His message stopped me in my tracks.  And in that moment, I could hardly breath at the thought of how great His love is for me.
It’s Monday. I knew that going into today. So I even took some steps to curb the Mondayness of the day, like extra cuddling, and an extra cup of tea.  However, there is no completely erasing the power of Monday. Consequently, as I rotated another laundry load I heard more fighting, more whining, more bickering coming from the kitchen. As my temper rose, I forged into their midst only to see them fighting and pushing and pulling IN FRONT OF A HOT STOVE. Dear Lord. That is it. What on earth could be that important?
After separating and assessing , I launched into the following lecture:

Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?

Do you know how bad a burn hurts?
You think that scratch hurt yesterday? That’s nothing. A burn doesn’t stop hurting. It burns and burns and burns.
What could be that important?
(And then the finale…)
It is amazing what you will sacrifice to get your own way!
Walking away after I doled out the consequences, I was still irritated, still frustrated, still discouraged. However, it doesn’t take long for my mind to wander. With the idea of pain still thick in the air, my mind landed upon a different type of pain. My thoughts went to all the pain around me stemming from divorce. My heart breaks for the women that gave all they could. My soul mourns for the men that were betrayed and left broken. But mostly my mind turns to the children, some that are too young to understand. They only know that it hurts, some just old enough to blame themselves, but all forever impacted.

So what? What can be done? How does this change? It seems impossible. I pray, nearly every day for miracles in those homes already divided. I have seen God do the impossible. Over and over. So I don’t give up hope. I regularly beg God for a miracle. Yet divorce after divorce is the modern day reality.  And while some are caused by dramatic one time events that destroy their union, most divorces? The cause? Irreconcilable differences. One difference after another. Little and big. Daily. Moment by moment. Differences. Little foxes that spoil the vine. The straw, a tiny straw that finally broke the camels back after hundreds of tiny, stupid, little straws. Then I think of my own marriage. Even with a man as wonderful as my own, we are different. So almost constantly we see things differently. And yes, way too often, I want my own way. For what?

And in my spirit I hear the Lord say:
Do you know how dangerous that is?
Do you have any idea how bad divorce hurts?
Do you think not getting your way is painful? That is nothing. Divorce doesn’t stop hurting. It hurts and hurts and hurts.
What could be that important?
And then, the final blow…
It is amazing what you will sacrifice to get your own way.
Divorce starts at every disagreement. Ever selfish insistence. Every disrespectful comment. Every unloving gesture. All those little tiny seemingly insignificant straws. Until, it breaks the marriage in two.
DISCLAIMER: I am not talking about Abuse, Addiction, or Adultery. Those are not little straws by any means. But I am talking about the little things I hear ladies complain about. Personality differences, temperament differences, perspective differences.
So my challenge to myself and everyone is this. Stop. Stop being offended. Remember why you chose your spouse. Choose to love. Choose to respect. Let go of control. Give it to God. Every moment. Every decision. Speak in love. Treat kindly. And remember what you are risking, when you insist on getting your own way. 
 “Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.”- Ephesians 4:2-3
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9 thoughts on “Burning Down the House.

  1. Awesome words of encouragement!

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  2. Rachel Anderson

    This may be my favorite. Not just because you quoted The Talking Heads but it hit my nail on. the. head! And timely 😉

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  3. Thanks Gary! I find this true of all my relationships, family and friends included.

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  4. I hear you friend. This hit me right between the eyes. I pray the Lord brings it to mind later when i need the reminder once again! And I love that you appreciate my every music reference! Xoxo

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  5. thank you for the reminder. Sometimes in the mist of our day we forget the person we are on this adventure with. We love you

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  6. An adventure. Such a great word! Thanks Shanti!

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  7. Made me cry!!! Thank you, wonderful daughter-in-law!! 🙂

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  8. Oh, sweet Lauren. Words of wonderful wisdom!! Thank you for being so vulnerable and genuine. Such a good reminder when marriage can be so hard sometimes. The truth is, divorce is harder. And uglier. If we allow it to, marriage draws us closer to Christ and teaches us how to cherish our spouses that much more. Thank you for posting this!

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